So much stress right now.
My MiL is losing her drivers lisence today. Her cataracts are so bad that she can no longer drive. I knew that back in March, and that was the entire reason that she wouldn't go back to get tested then.
She went yesterday and the doctor is taking her lisence.
Why the stress you ask? Because I had planned on notifying the Ministry that she can't see and hope that she would lose her lisence before she killed someone..
Stress comes from Hubby. He feels bad for her now. She was here last night hinting that she wants me go over to her place and help her clean, prepare food, etc. She was hinting that she needs rides to places (actually today she wants a ride up to a friends house) and he feels bad for her so he wants to do it.
This pisses me off. How he can walk around for months, knowing that this was going to happen and say how she'll have to fend for herself.. how her niece and nephew are suposed to live up to their word and become her caretakers.
Then last night he says to me that he can't do that because it's his Mom and he loves her. He's her only son, blah, blah, blah.
I got pissed off because I thought I was free and clear of her, and now I find out that I'm not.
She's going to be coming around, she's going to be asking me for help.
I'm not the kind of person who can turn folks down when they need help. He knows this.
So now I'm going to be back scrubbing her floors, washing her walls and cooking for the ungrateful little bitch.
After all the lies she told about us, after she told people that I abuse my kids, after she told lies to my Hubby in an attempt to make him believe that I was cheating on him...
now I'm going to have to sit there and chew on my cheek so that I don't say something about how pissed off she makes me (because if I do that it will result in a huge fight and she will make Hubby's life hell because she's a childish, vindictive little bitch!).
I feel like a huge weight is back on my shoulders.
I'm now drowning.
Hubby and I had a huge fight last night. He brought up my Mom and how if she needed help he wouldn't turn her away.
I would. I wouldn't help her, only because I can't. I can't help her because I can't get pulled into her web once again.
I'm so stressed out by everything now. I just don't know how to cope with it all anymore.
Since 2001 my family has been shattered, my emotions have been stressed to their breaking point and I admit that I'm on the verge of a nervous collapse.
I cry at the drop of a hat, tv commercials make me cry. Everything makes me cry. I sometimes find it hard to drag my ass out of bed and do any kind of housework, looking after the kids, the house looks like a nuclear war happened sometimes and I just sit there and feel so overwhelmed and alone.
Once I had a huge support web, both my parents, my brothers, my MiL and a few friends were always there to help.
Since 2001 my parents can no longer help, my brothers have pulled away and no longer talk to me, my MiL has turned into an enormous she-bitch (bigger than she was before) and friends have had their own kids and we barely talk now.
I've made new friends, but it's too early for me to feel comfortable using them for support.
Which is really stupid because one of them uses me as her support... I'm just screwed up when it comes to asking for help.
AArgh!! [screams at the hopeless realism of life]
8:18 a.m. - 2004-11-12
Recent entries:
March Break Almost Done - March 16, 2006
Annoying and Irritating - March 15, 2006
Hello Mold, How Have You Been? - March 14, 2006
DNA Personality Test - March 10, 2006
Sickness Continues - March 09, 2006
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