Slight correction, it seems that Hubby is NOT turning 37 today as I said in my last entry. No, he's turning 36. Now, as bad as it is for me to forget the age of my spouse, the horrible thing about this is that I also forgot my age, since I am only a year younger than Hubby.
This means that I am only turning 35 in May, instead of actually being 35.
Oops. So Hubby is 36 today, not 37.
So in reality it's 2 years shy of 2 decades for my and Hubby's relationship.
We met in highschool, he was 18 and I was 16 (turning 17 in a few months). He had just transferred in from a private school (all boys). We dated for many years, when I was 23 we were married.
So technically we've been married for 11 years (12 in May) but I don't see why we shouldn't remember the 6 years that we dated. I have friends who dated for a while before getting married and they only count the years that they were married, why? Were the dating years any less important than the married ones?
I mean without those dating years you wouldn't have married ones would you?
And this leads me to my marital advice part of my entry. I know it's Hubby's birthday, not marital advice day but it's my diary and I'm allowed to do what I want with it.
This is the advice I'm giving to my kids so I thought I'd share it with everyone.
Kats' Guide to a Successful Marriage
1. Be Friends First. Don't get me wrong, sexual attraction is important in a marriage, but after the kids arrive on the scene and as time marches on, if the friendship and communication isn't there then the marriage wont be for long as well.2. Communicate. If you can't say anything and everything to your spouse than what's the point? This doesn't give you free reign to say hurtful things, but if you have to hold back and not say what's on your mind then why are you together anyway?
3. Stand Up For Yourself If you act like a door mat you will not be respected, and if there is no respect then the marriage will fail either because you are tired of taking all the crap or because the other person will get tired of dealing with someone that they see as inferior.
4. Set Boundaries for Family In Laws are a great way to kill a relationship. You have to understand that each of you love your families, but that doesn't mean that your spouse is going to love them that much as well. Boundaries have to be set when dealing with those family members, and they must be adhered to. Sit down with each other when you are calm and in good moods and discuss how much of your life you want your families to be a part of. Then make sure that you are the buffer between your family and your spouse. Don't set your spouse up as the one putting the restrictions into place, that just sets up friction between your family and your spouse, and having a marriage survive thorugh a war is an unlikely scenario.
5. Know Each Other I say live together for a year, you really don't know someone until you've lived with them. And I say that you have to live together for at least a year, because it takes time for the shine to come off, so that the real person is revealed. Otherwise what you see is the image they want to portray, that person that they think you want them to be. Also, know that neither of you is perfect, both of you have flaws. Accept those flaws if you can. If you can't accept them then maybe it's better to move on.
6. Do Not Try to Fix Your Spouse. Do not marry someone with the notion that you can change them, that you can fix them. You are only setting yourself up for a battle, and a lot of resentment. You have to be able to allow your spouse to be who they are, just as you have to be free to be you. Of course that being said there is nothing wrong with little changes, like getting them to help around the house, etc. But don't expect to make them into a whole new person. That never ends well.
And that's Kat's Rules for Married Life
8:07 p.m. - January 17, 2006
Recent entries:
March Break Almost Done - March 16, 2006
Annoying and Irritating - March 15, 2006
Hello Mold, How Have You Been? - March 14, 2006
DNA Personality Test - March 10, 2006
Sickness Continues - March 09, 2006
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