Sometimes I hate myself. I really do.
Last night I was suffering from the inability to sleep, as those who suffer from pain often do, and I was sitting on my sofa when I realized that a very bright light was shining into my front room.
I didn't think much of it until a few minutes later when the light was still shining.
I looked outside to see a minivan sitting in the parking lot across the street from me, it was pulling onto the street, it had it's left turn signal on and everything.
I didn't think much of that either until I realized that I was sitting there watching this minivan as it waited to turn for a minute or two, it was waiting to turn onto a street that had no traffic on it what so ever.
I took a second look at the minivan and groaned inwardly. It looked familiar, too familiart. But I waited, suddenly the thing pulled out onto the road and I was able to see that it was in fact a Ford Aerostar, and that the license plate was my Moms.
My Mom was sitting across the street from my house for what I would have to say was at least 8 minutes, maybe 10, just sitting there and staring into my house at 12:45pm.
I'm wondering if perhaps her behaviour at Christmas was a result of temporary sanity?
So, I'm sitting here at 5:14am and most of everything that needs to be done is done.
Lunches are packed. Backpacks are packed. Clothes are ready to be put on children. I am ready for my kids to go to school.
I have been up since almost 4:00am. Why? I have been putting off calling the doctor and making an appointment for LB. I haven't wanted to because I'm just not ready to hear that my son has yet another complication in his life. I don't want to hear how his spine is curving and how he is going to need more care and whatever other therapy is going to come with it.
Why can't life be simple?
At night everything that bothers me seems to close in.
Some of the things that I worry about are finances, my kids, my mouth, my husband's health, my house, this stupid election, this cold, and I'm worried about the future.
I worry that I really should have a job, my bringing in some money would help us out so much. But then I worry about everything that goes along with me working.
Are there places out there that will hire someone that is only really available between the hours of 9 and 2, someone that will probably be exhausted a lot because she doesn't get much sleep, someone that will have to take off a ton of days because of doctor appointments and LB's sick days.
Ok, time to stop with the bitching and get the kids moving.
5:08 p.m. - January 10, 2006
Recent entries:
March Break Almost Done - March 16, 2006
Annoying and Irritating - March 15, 2006
Hello Mold, How Have You Been? - March 14, 2006
DNA Personality Test - March 10, 2006
Sickness Continues - March 09, 2006
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